Tuesday, July 29, 2008

64 Ways To Say "I LOVE YOU"

64 Ways to Say "I Love You":

  1. Don't compare them to anyone.
  2. Be courteous at all times.
  3. Embrace the present moments without fear or guilt.
  4. Live by the Golden Rule (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you).
  5. Give your full attention when talking.
  6. Become their biggest fan and cheerleader!
  7. Toast each other over breakfast or dinner to say I love you.
  8. Tell them how they bring love to your life.
  9. Laugh about kids quotes on love or events.
  10. Talk about your day during mealtimes.
  11. Read books aloud together.
  12. Say you're sorry.
  13. Recall good and bad memories.
  14. Let go of the past to say I love you.
  15. Do nothing together.
  16. Encourage health in all its forms.
  17. Trust your partner enough to cry together.
  18. Act silly together.
  19. Be lavish in praise.
  20. Ask questions about opinions, feelings, thoughts.
  21. To say I love you, forget about labels.
  22. Encourage adventures and risks!
  23. Show your joy when they come home.
  24. Bake cookies.
  25. Leave stress at work to say I love you.
  26. Use flannel sheets in the winter.
  27. Solve problems together - such as crosswords or Suduku.
  28. Show your gratitude for them.
  29. Be a good sounding board.
  30. To say I love you, take pride in them -- and show it.
  31. Compliment them in front of others.
  32. Spend time with them.
  33. Listen.
  34. Ask for hugs and kisses.
  35. Take vacations together.
  36. Tell the truth to say I love you.
  37. Use pet names to say I love you.
  38. Practice self-acceptance.
  39. Hunt for treasure together.
  40. Be interested in their interests.
  41. To say I love you, let go of jealousy.
  42. Accept their weaknesses and flaws.
  43. Ditch work or responsibilities to play with them.
  44. Be yourself.
  45. Share chocolates, ice cream sundaes, milkshakes.
  46. To say I love you, ignore slights.
  47. Pray or meditate together.
  48. Practice forgiveness.
  49. Watch classic movies together.
  50. Leave notes or send letters.
  51. To say I love you, buy a "for no reason at all" gift.
  52. Don't gossip or judge.
  53. Give the benefit of the doubt to say I love you.
  54. Give space when they're in a bad or sad mood.
  55. Learn something new together.
  56. Go dancing.
  57. Keep your promises to say I love you.
  58. Make them laugh.
  59. Consider their feelings.
  60. Learn 8 ways to rekindle the romance.
  61. Hide a treat in their lunch.
  62. To say I love you, make home a fun place to be.
  63. Let them make their own decisions.
  64. Say what you mean when you say I love you. Say why.

Source: http://psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/60_ways_to_say_i_love_you

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Thursday, July 10, 2008

Top 12 Stupid Builders' Projects

As a process, architecture is the activity of designing and constructing buildings and other physical structures by a person or a machine, primarily done to provide socially purposeful shelter. - Wikipedia

Okay now, even if you are the best architect there is but if you have some pea-brained builders then this is what you'll get!

number 12:

number 11:

number 10:

number 09:

number 08:
number 07:

number 06:

number 05:
number 04:

number 03:

number 02:

And the number 01 is:

Source: http://www.awfulgames.com/fun/stupid_builders/

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Monday, July 7, 2008

Top 100 Motivational Quotes

1. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.
- Aristotle

2. The best way out is always through.
- Robert Frost

3. Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking.
- William B. Sprague

4. Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
- Albert Einstein

5. Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.
- Henry Ford

6. I know for sure that what we dwell on is who we become.
- Oprah Winfrey

7. “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
- Michael Jordan

8. You must be the change you want to see in the world.
- Mahatma Gandhi

9. What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.
- Goethe

10. You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.
- Zig Ziglar

11. Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.
- Mahatma Gandhi

12. Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything.
- Napoleon Hill

13. Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.
- Truman Capote

14. Vision without action is daydream. Action without vision is nightmare.
- Japanese Proverb

15. In any situation, the best thing you can do is the right thing; the next best thing you can do is the wrong thing; the worst thing you can do is nothing.
- Theodore Roosevelt

16. If you keep saying things are going to be bad, you have a chance of being a prophet.
- Isaac B. Singer

17. Success consists of doing the common things of life uncommonly well.
- Unknown

18. Keep on going and the chances are you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I have never heard of anyone stumbling on something sitting down.
- Charles F. Kettering, Engineer and Inventor

19. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
- Mark Twain

20. Losers visualize the penalties of failure. Winners visualize the rewards of success.
- Unknown

21. Some succeed because they are destined. Some succeed because they are determined.
- Unknown

22. Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
- Dan Stanford

23. Setting an example is not the main means of influencing others; it is the only means.
- Albert Einstein

24. A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.
- Hugh Downs

25. If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.
- Marie Osmond

26. Remember that happiness is a way of travel, not a destination.
- Roy Goodman

27. If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today.
- E. Joseph Cossman

28. What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

29. We judge of man's wisdom by his hope.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

30. The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
- Mark Twain

31. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
- Mark Twain

32. Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.
- Mark Twain

33. Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
- Mark Twain

34. The surest way not to fail is to determine to succeed.
- Richard B. Sheridan

35. Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."
- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

36. "Act or accept."
- Unanonymous

37. Many great ideas go unexecuted, and many great executioners are without ideas. One without the other is worthless.
- Tim Blixseth

38. The world is more malleable than you think and it's waiting for you to hammer it into shape.
- Bono

39. Sometimes you just got to give yourself what you wish someone else would give you.
- Dr Phil

40. Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly.
- Stephen R. Covey

41. People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things. When they believe in themselves they have the first secret of success.
- Norman Vincent Peale

42. Whenever you find whole world against you just turn around and lead the world.
- Anonymous

43. Being defeated is only a temporary condition; giving up is what makes it permanent.
- Marilyn vos Savant, Author and Advice Columnist

44. I can't understand why people are frightened by new ideas. I'm frightened by old ones.
- John Cage

45. Setting an example is not the main means of influencing others; it is the only means.
- Albert Einstein

46. The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.
- Unknown

47. The best way to predict the future is to create it.
- Unknown

48. Anyone can do something when they WANT to do it. Really successful people do things when they don't want to do it.
- Dr. Phil

49. There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.
- Dr. Denis Waitley

50. Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.
- Sir Winston Churchill

51. Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes but don't quit.
- Conrad Hilton

52. Attitudes are contagious. Make yours worth catching.
- Unknown

53. Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
- John Wooden

54. There are only two rules for being successful. One, figure out exactly what you want to do, and two, do it.
- Mario Cuomo

55. Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can.
- Richard Bach

56. Vision doesn't usually come as a lightening bolt. Rather it comes as a slow crystallization of life challenges that we one day recognize as a beautiful diamond with great value to ourselves and others.
- Dr. Michael Norwood

57. Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.
- Dr. Joyce Brothers

58. Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.
- Samuel Beckett

59. Flops are a part of life's menu and I've never been a girl to miss out on any of the courses.
- Rosalind Russell

60. Cause Change & Lead
Accept Change & Survive
Resist Change & Die

- Ray Norda, Chairman, Novell

61. Winners lose much more often than losers. So if you keep losing but you're still trying, keep it up! You're right on track.
- Matthew Keith Groves

62. An idea can turn to dust or magic, depending on the talent that rubs against it.
- Bill Bernbach

63. An obstacle is often a stepping stone.
- Prescott

64. Life is "trying things to see if they work"
Ray Bradbury

65. If you worry about yesterday's failures, then today's successes will be few.

66. Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.
Dennis P. Kimbro

67. We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart, of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

68. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

69. In matters of style, swim with the current;
in matters of principle, stand like a rock.
Thomas Jefferson

70. I think and think for months and years. Ninety-nine times, the conclusion is false. The hundredth time I am right.
Albert Einstein

71. Where the willingness is great, the difficulties cannot be great.

72. Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.
Mahatma Gandhi

73. "You are what you think about all day long." -- Dr. Robert Schuller

74. What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say" -- Ralph Waldo Emerson"

75. “Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.”
Booker T. Washington

76. "Talent is formed in solitude, character in the bustle of the world."
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

77. “To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.”
- Elbert Hubbard

78. If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up.
- J.M. Power

79. By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day
- Robert Frost

80. “I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.”
- Maya Angelou

81. “The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.”
- William James

82. “When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard,' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'”
- Sydney Harris

83. “Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.”
- Richard L. Evans

84. “In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on.”
- Robert Frost

85. “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.”
- Eleanor Roosevelt

86. Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.
- Seneca

87. Do first things first, and second things not at all.
- Peter Drucker.

88. The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders.
- Foster's Law

89. Defeat is not bitter unless you swallow it.
- Joe Clark

90. I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.
- Winston Churchill

91. Positive anything is better than negative thinking.
- Elbert Hubbard

92. People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

93. Those who wish to sing, always find a song.
- Swedish Proverb

94. If you're going through hell, keep going.
- Winston Churchill

95. The sun shines and warms and lights us and we have no curiosity to know why this is so; but we ask the reason of all evil, of pain, and hunger, and mosquitoes and silly people.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

96. Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.
- Voltaire

97. Enduring habits I hate.... Yes, at the very bottom of my soul I feel grateful to all my misery and bouts of sickness and everything about me that is imperfect, because this sort of thing leaves me with a hundred backdoors through which I can escape from enduring habits.
- Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science, 1882

98. There is no education like adversity.
- Disraeli

99. He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

100. Adversity introduces a man to himself.
- Author Unknown

Source: http://boldwords.blogspot.com

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Sunday, July 6, 2008

Top 20 Ellen DeGeneres Quotes, Jokes and Sayings

1) Golden eagles have an interesting way of mating, where they connect in the air while flying at eighty miles an hour and then they start dropping and they don’t stop dropping until the act is completed. So it’s not uncommon that they both fall all the way to the ground, hit the ground and both of them die. That’s how committed they are to this. I thought to myself, ‘Boy, don’t we feel like wimps for stopping to answer the phone.’ I don’t know about you, but if I’m one of these two birds, you’re getting close to the ground… I would seriously consider fakin’ it.”

2) I’m a godmother, that’s a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that’s cute, I taught her that.

3) My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.

4) Just go up to somebody on the street and say “You’re it!” and just run away.

5) I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It’s been about two months since I’ve worked out. And I just don’t have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.

6) Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.

7) I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.

8) Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when they are wearing dark glasses and have streamers in their antlers because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.

9) (about call-waiting) It’s turned into a mini people’s choice awards. Hasn’t it? And you find out right away who wins or loses.: You’re having a pleasant conversation with what you think is a good friend. You hear the click. They tell you to hold on. You’re confident they’re going to come back to you. And then they come back and they say, “I’ve got to take this other call.” And you know what that means what they just said to the other person? “Let me get rid of this other call.”

10) I feel sorry for the newscasters you know? We can turn it off. But that’s their job and they have to read these stories and they’re just coming up on the teleprompter they don’t know what’s coming up. and they have to go through these change of emotions. That.. “There were no survivors…And next Which candybar helps ya lose weight! Still to come! Is an asteroid headed towards earth…But first where to find the cheesiest pizza in town! Also, a disturbing study finds that studies are disturbing…

11) We stock up on popcorn and candy like we’re crossing the Sierras, don’t we?: “I’ll have a couple of soft pretzals, a hot dog, milk duds, snocaps. Is that the largest popcorn you’ve got there - that bucket? You don’t have a barrel or anything like that? Do you have a donkey or a pack mule or anything? - Oh, and a diet coke.”

12) What’s with this sudden choice of disorders we get right now? When I was a kid, we just had crazy people, that’s it, just crazy people.

13) Our attention span is shot. We’ve all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of these disorders with three letters because we don’t have the time or patience to pronounce the entire disorder. That should be a disorder right there, TBD - too busy disorder.

14) (about local news) They do these teases to get you to watch late on. They’re so incredibly cruel: “It could be the most deadly thing in the world and you may be having it for dinner. We’ll tell you what it is tonight at 11:00.”

15) The sixties were when hallucinogentic drugs were really, really big. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we had the type of shows we had then, like The Flying Nun.

16) In the beginning there was nothing. God said, “Let there be light!” And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.

17) If we don’t want to define ourselves by things as superficial as our appearances, we’re stuck with the revolting alternative of being judged by our actions.

18) So, I bought a new cd and I was trying to get it open but couldn’t with all the layers. I mean plastic and then tape and the tape is like government tape. It says open here.. Is that sarcasm?, and buy batteries and they are in there with layers and layers of cardboard and then scissors….you need scissors to get into scissors, what if you were buying them for the first time? you wouldn’t be able to get them open. Then you try and buy a light bulb and it’s this thin thin cardboard …..what are they thinking? “Ohh they’ll be fine”.

19) Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. It is the universe’s way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast. Listen to the music. Whoa whoa, listen to the music. Because music makes the people come together, it makes the bourgeois and the rebel. So come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody try to love one another. Because what the world needs now is love, sweet love. And I know that love is a battlefield, but boogie on reggae woman because you’re gonna make it after all. So celebrate good times, come on. I’ve gotta stop I’ve gotta come to my senses ive been out riding fences for so long… oops i did it again… um… What I’m trying to say is, if you leave tonight and you don’t remember anything else that I’ve said, leave here and remember this: Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.

20) Our egos tells us we’re the only ones that have any kind of feelings. We’re the only ones with a relationship. We’re the only ones with family. You know, I think that if you kill a spider, there is a relationship that you’re ruining. There’s a conversation going on outside with the other spiders. ‘Did you hear about Chris?….Killed yeah….Sneaker. And now Stephanie has nine hundred babies to raise all alone. Well, she’s got her legs full I’ll tell you that right now. Chris was so kind, wouldn’t hurt a fly. It’s just been tough for them lately. They just lost their web last week. Those humans think they’re so smart. Let them try shooting silk out of their butt and see what they can make.

Source: http://www.innocentenglish.com

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Top 100 Funny Quotes From Famous People


1. The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

2. As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.

3. Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

4. The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.

5. If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.

6. I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.


7. In the beginning was nonsense, and the nonsense was with God, and the nonsense was God.

8. A casual stroll through a lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.

9. Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

10. Is man one of God’s blunders? Or is God one of man’s blunders?

11. Many are stubborn in pursuit of the path they have chosen, few in pursuit of the goal.


12. Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

13. Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

14. I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

15. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

16. The man who doesn’t read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.

17. “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”


18. Prejudices are what fools use for reason.

19. If there were no God, it would have been necessary to invent him.

20. Every man is guilty of all the good he didn’t do.

21. No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.

22. The true triumph of reason is that it enables us to get along with those who do not possess it.

23. It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere.

24. There are men who can think no deeper than a fact.

25. Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices.

26. Anything too stupid to be said is sung.

27. By appreciation, we make excellence in others our own property.

28. Governments need to have both shepherds and butchers.


29. One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.

30. No one ever teaches well who wants to teach, or governs well who wants to govern.

31. This City is what it is because our citizens are what they are.

32. Courage is knowing what not to fear.

33. The measure of a man is what he does with power.


34. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

35. If you are going through hell, keep going.

36. The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

37. It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.


38. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

39. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

40. Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

41. You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

42. Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, “You show me a tropical fruit and I’ll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.”

43. I never fucked a ten, but one night, I fucked five twos.

44. What year did Jesus think it was?

45. The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

46. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

47. “No comment” is a comment.

48. If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

49. The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.


50. Boy, those French: They have a different word for everything!

51. There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.

52. Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It’s something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.

53. I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

54. You know what your problem is, it’s that you haven’t seen enough movies - all of life’s riddles are answered in the movies.

55. First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

56. Why is it we don’t always recognize the moment when love begins, but we always know when it ends?
* As Harris K. Telemacher in “L.A. Story” (1991)


57. “To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush…I feel like I’m dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I’m a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough…Somebody shoot me in the face.”
-Roasting Bush at the 2006 White House Correspondents’ dinner

58. On this show, your voice will be heard - in the form of my voice.

59. There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.

60. Folks, the President needs a break. He’s like a Black and Decker cordless Dirt Devil vacuum. If you don’t recharge his batteries, he can’t suck.

61. I’ve always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can’t judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?

62. Now, I don’t see color. People tell me I’m white and I believe them because police officers call me “sir”.

63. Asia: Four little letters, three billion little people.

64. “There’s nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends that are going to hell.”

65. Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.


66. I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

67. Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.

68. We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There’s just one problem - it’s in North Korea.

69. We declared war on terror—it’s not even a noun, so, good luck.

70. Here’s how bizarre the war is that we’re in in Iraq, and we should have known this right from the get-go: When we first went into Iraq, Germany didn’t want to go. Germany. The Michael Jordan of war took a pass.
Jon Stewart’s Stand-up performance at RIT, 2005


71. Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

72. I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.

73. Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.

74. They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week,
which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.


75. Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little
bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

76. Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.

77. There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.”

78. Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? “Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.”


79. Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there’s your diamond in the rough.

80. If you tell the truth about how you’re feeling, it becomes funny.

81. I’m surprized Hitler didn’t round up the toupee people.”


82. A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

83. The average American’s day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles’s dart board.

84. “The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.”


85. Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

86. The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.

87. Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your New Year’s resolution.

88. The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.


89. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

90. Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

91. I’m at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

92. A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over. There’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home!

93. Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.


94. When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.

95. I was raped by a doctor. Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.


96. Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

97. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

98. If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near fourty.

99. “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to
go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colon.’ Need I say more?”

100. “You won’t be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.”
Chris Rock while hosting the Oscars

101. Gas is getting so expensive I’m gonna ride a mexican to work.

Source: http://leftofzen.com

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Top 10 Best Film Quotes For The Fridge When You're Dieting

“Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.”
Vanilla Sky (2001) - Sofia Serrano (Penelope Cruz)

“A temptation resisted is a true measure of character.”
Papillon (1973) – Louis Dega (Dustin Hoffman)

“Those who have the ability to take action have the responsibility to take action.”
National Treasure (2004) – Ben Gates (Nicolas Cage)

“Now is the time that we must choose between what is right and what is easy.”
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005) – Albus Dumbledore (Michael Gambon)

"No matter how cleverly you sneak up on a mirror, your reflection always looks you straight in the eye.”
Angel Heart (1987) – Louis Syphre (Robert De Niro)

“Your ego is writing checks your body can’t cash.”
Top Gun (1986) – Stinger (James Tolkan)

“All right, let's settle down. If we're going to get through this we're going to need self control.”
Galaxy Quest (1999) – Jason Nesmith (Tim Allen)

“I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.”
Zoolander (2001) – Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller)

"I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight."
The Devil Wore Prada (2006) – Emily (Emily Blunt)

”You get what you settle for.”
Thelma and Louise (1991) Louise Sawyer (Susan Sarandon)

Source: http://www.reellifewisdom.com

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Thursday, July 3, 2008

Top 100 Highest Rated Comedy TV Shows

Rank /Show

1. Scrubs

2. Friends

3. The Office

4. How I Met Your Mother

5. Arrested Development

6. I Love Lucy

7. Seinfeld

8. Psych

9. The Daily Show

10. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

11. The Lucy Show

12. The Colbert Report

13. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

14. Chappelle's Show

15. Boy Meets World

16. Curb Your Enthusiasm

17. M*A*S*H

18. Ichabod and Me

19. That '70s Show

20. The Soup

21. Californication

22. Married ... with Children

23. NewsRadio

24. My Name Is Earl

25. The Patty Duke Show

26. Mayberry R.F.D.

27. The Office (UK)

28. Freaks and Geeks

29. Mister Ed

30. Mystery Science Theater 3000

31. Wings

32. Coupling

33. Weeds

34. Black Books

35. Two Guys and a Girl

36. The Golden Girls

37. Two and a Half Men

38. Corner Gas

39. Trailer Park Boys

40. The IT Crowd (2006)

41. Reba

42. Sports Night

43. The Wonder Years

44. The Big Bang Theory

45. Martin

46. Drake and Josh

47. Mr. Bean

48. Most Extreme Elimination Challenge

49. The Three Stooges Show

50. The Bob Newhart Show

51. The Suite Life of Zack and Cody

52. Grounded for Life

53. Penn & Teller: Bullsh**!

54. My Boys

55. The Jeffersons

56. Entourage

57. Three's Company

58. Extras

59. Kenan & Kel

60. Related

61. Frasier

62. Chuck

63. The Real McCoys

64. Reaper

65. Father Ted

66. The IT Crowd

67. What I Like About You

68. The Secret World of Alex Mack

69. Malcolm in the Middle

70. Reno 911!

71. The Nanny

72. Will & Grace

73. Salute Your Shorts

74. Life with Derek

75. Keeping Up Appearances

76. My Family

77. Spaced (1999)

78. Spin City

79. Get Smart

80. The King of Queens

81. Soap

82. Roseanne

83. Shameless

84. Mr. Show with Bob and David

85. Everybody Hates Chris

86. The Cosby Show

87. 3rd Rock from the Sun

88. The Game

89. Hannah Montana

90. The Beverly Hillbillies

91. Living Single

92. Saved by the Bell

93. Still Standing

94. Pushing Daisies

95. Sanford and Son

96. 30 Rock

97. Home Improvement

98. The Adventures of Pete & Pete

99. The Whitest Kids U Know

100. Cheers

Source: http://www.tv.com/comedy/genre/4/topshows.html

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